Frozen In Place

I had a pretty good week last week and I think my attitude was almost back to Mary Poppin's status. I am not sure if it has had to do with the fact that Mr. H has been around all week and I haven't been worrying about him being at the hospital, or if it's been the fact that the sun has been out, or that we've been really productive (and as an Enneagram Type 1 I looooove crossing things off my to-do lists). Whatever it's been, I've been grateful.

Today I woke up to rain and I feel like there is a dark cloud over my head as well. Yesterday I was bouncing around in my kitchen, thrilled with the fact that my first sourdough bread loaf from the starter we made turned out and today, I've wasted the day away frozen in place trying to just numb out by scrolling and internet surfing. I normally like to wake up early and get a head start on my day's worth of work for Stitch Fix. Today, I didn't want to so it feels like it's taking me all day. Normally I like to hop on the computer for an hour to work and then get my worked out knocked out and done for the day. Today, I'm still wearing work out clothes, currently sitting on the floor in our workout room, still trying to talk myself into it at 4pm. Where has the day gone? We are supposed to have rain all week and I feel like I could really use some sunshine instead. Mr. H has always said that the song "She's Only Happy In The Sun" by Ben Harper reminds him of me. I know most people are probably the same and especially during this pandemic. The rain just feels extra oppressive and suffocating right now.

I'm gonna try really hard to find some sunshiney happy things this week because if I let the rain dictate my mood the Hass House is not going to be a happy place. Here are some happy things on my list right now:

• clean bathrooms (I've been following Clean Mama's cleaning schedule and today is bathroom day- this schedule has been amazing and I'd say has maybe even changed my life!)
• potato soup in the crockpot for dinner
• date night tomorrow- not the "usual" kind we are used to but Dr. Les Parrot and his wife Leslie are hosting a live stream called Couples Huddle for Hope. Dr. Les is one of Dave Ramsey's personalities and we've heard him speak multiple times at conferences. He's funny and wise and full of great advice. I can't wait to hear he and his wife talk about surviving as a couple in the midst of this uncertain time. Check it out on LesandLeslie.com tomorrow 4/7 @ 4pm Pacific time. 
• The Magnolia candles I just ordered from Target. Shhhh, don't tell Mr. H, I told him I'd wait on placing that order, but then the rain came and took my happy so I bought some candles. 
• I also have an order from Nordstrom coming soon- I hope. It's been delayed due to shipping right now of course, but I had a gc from Christmas and with all the cooking going on in the Hass House we really needed a new cast iron skillet. So instead of saving my gc for a little mad money when I really want new shoes or a cute new outfit for myself, I used it on a Le Creuset cast iron skillet that will match one of my dutch ovens. Practical, but also exciting. 

And I'll leave you with a few pictures from the last week or so, just moments that I'd like to document so that we don't forget any of this crazy stuff.

I took this from my car, driving away from TJ's after I shopped there last week. It was very surreal to have stood in line and be let in once there were enough customers who had left. It was an odd experience.

This was the backdoor at Costco where we got in line before they opened one morning for healthcare employees. I wasn't allowed to go in, so I took this while I walked back to the car and Mr. H waited to be let in. Another very surreal experience that I won't soon forget. 

This was right after returning from Costco and we discovered the bottom shelf of our island was wet and soggy. 

Mr. H cleaning out the wet pieces and killing all the mold. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought. We learned today after a plumber came over that we do not have a new leak. This was damage from an old slab leak 2 years ago. Home owner's insurance will not help cover the cost to repair any damages because it was an old leak that we didn't contact them about last time. Sooo stay tuned with what's next. 

Hannah getting some face time in on a zoom call with her volleyball team. 

This was Saturday when I started the dough for my first sourdough loaf. I was so nervous having never done this before and was so afraid I might waste all that flour (a hard pantry item to find currently- almost up there with TP and hand sanitizer now). I let it rise overnight and baked it yesterday afternoon and was dancing around the kitchen clapping when I pulled it out of the oven and it looked so beautiful! I made bread! 

Now my starter, Jane Dough, will live in the fridge and I'll feed her once a week. I think I might try to make some sourdough dinner rolls next. Or maybe just more bread, because we've eaten it all. 

It is now mandatory to wear a mask when you are out so yesterday morning this was us getting ready to shop for some fresh produce at the farmer's market. This week was different than last week. It wasn't too crowded, but everyone had masks today and the booths were all roped off by each vendor and you had to stand 6' away and let them know what items you wanted. They bagged it up for you and you paid and went. It was all very clean, but again, another very surreal food shopping experience. 

Flowers for a friend. 

This was at Albertson's a couple weeks ago, when we thought we'd check the tp aisle just to see and found 4 packs of these teeny-tiny rolls left. So this is 2020 right now...

Yesterday we got several things planted in pots and containers. Can't wait to see how they do. I miss having garden boxes like we did in our old house. We don't have a great yard space for boxes in our current yard so we are going to try pots. Today they're all under the patio protected from the rain. Hoping we find good homes for them all to thrive. We started composting this month and I can't wait until it all starts to break down into soil that we can add to the garden. We've been producing noticeably less trash since we began composting. It's so easy and makes me so happy to know how good it is for the earth, I can't believe we haven't started this sooner! 

I saw this toy on someone's IG account and we ordered it for the kids. Claire has been creating with it non-stop since it arrived this week. 

That's all for now. 

I'm off to finally get that workout I've put off all day done.

See ya next time. 

Quarantine day 24- peace out. 

Emotions, Roller Coasters, & Spring Break

I keep writing out my thoughts in blog posts in my head. I keep thinking I'll have time to sit down and process everything that has been going on and write. And then another day has gone by and the next day is completely different and my emotions are completely new and I'm on a different roller coaster than I was the day before. I can't even process one thing before a new thing has happened so I guess I better just start writing.

This week is "spring break" for the girls and us, but it's a different looking spring break than we imagined. Today we were supposed to be driving to Las Vegas for Hannah's first away tournament for her volleyball club this season. We have all been really looking forward to it. She's mentioned several times this week how she should have been in Vegas this week.

Last night we sat down to watch a movie. Aeronauts. We've been wanting to see it for a while. We've been talking about watching a movie ever since this pandemic began, but it just hadn't happened yet. We were all looking forward to sitting down together to watch our first movie since this whole thing began on Friday the 13th. Right before we were ready to start the movie, Mr. Hass and I both got the text, followed by an email, from the school district announcing that the governor has stated that he is recommending the kids do not go back to school for the remainder of this year. I knew this was coming, but I have to admit, my heart sank, and my stomach dropped, and I was on that roller coaster once more.

Only this time it's probably not what you think. I've already had my moments of panic and fear over having an unexpected extended break in school, realizing it would be up to me to oversee the girls' homeschool work for the next several weeks. I've already had to try and figure out what our schedules are all going to look like with me working from home and them trying to navigate learning from home. That part is working itself out I guess. Now, I'm starting to realize that I am grieving. That we are all grieving for the world that once was and for all of our lives that used to be a certain way and now look different. Mr. Hass came home one day last week and said he'd read an article that explained that to him. That the world was all working it's way through different stages of grief right now. It was like a light bulb went off. Of course, we are. And with grief, comes so many different stages of emotions and feelings. The roller coaster just continues.

So last night, right before our movie, when we got the news that school will most likely not be starting back up this season and that our 7th and 5th graders years would be most likely finished, I was so very sad. I've been sad for them knowing this might be a possibility. I've been sad for all of the high school seniors whose years have been cut short. So sad for all of the 8th graders who might feel rushed or pushed into high school without feeling ready or prepared.

This year junior high has been so wonderful for Hannah. Mr. Hass and I have enjoyed watching her grow and blossom into her own self more so than ever this year. She has discovered a new love for a sport that I happen to also share a love for. She's made some wonderful new friends in volleyball on her team, and in the club. She's had some amazing experiences in ASB and met new friends in school as well. I can't help but feel so sad that all of the amazing experiences she has yet to have this year have been ripped away from her.

And Claire too. Claire is finally getting to be her own person at her elementary school. She's growing into herself and instead of being known as "Hannahs' sister", she's getting to be just Claire. She's made new friends this year too and has a teacher that she loves. She was also continuing her love of music with her weekly piano lessons and sports, which have also stopped for her. She was about to start a girls league weekly skills camp for basketball, and she had also just started to attend the last few weeks of a volleyball instructional league at Hannah's club and was loving it. But like everything else, that has all come to a screeching halt.

So last night as the girls watched Aeronauts for family movie night, my mind was elsewhere wondering how we were going to break this new news to the girls. They've handled things well so far, but I knew it might be hardest on Hannah.

Today so much has happened that yesterday seems like a world away. Mr. H and I were up at 5am and ready to head out by 6:30 to stand in line at Costco. Another new thing that we are starting to come to terms with; standing in line to get into the stores we used to frequent weekly or monthly. We've still been in search of the illusive TP.  I was so touched by a friend that dropped off two giant-sized rolls for us last week. It was such a sweet gift that they blessed us with. I can't wait until I can give her a real-life hug and thank her for being so generous. Even with her kind gift, I was still afraid that we might need to find more TP if this famine continues for a while longer. Mr. H works in the ICU at a hospital here and healthcare employees he just found out are able to shop the early hour before they opened at 4 Costcos in our area. So we went to the one closest to us and got in line. We found out that I couldn't go in with him. Healthcare employees only. So I ripped my list out of my notebook, handed it to Mr. H and told him to be careful.

He got some TP! And a few other essentials so that we wouldn't have to leave the house for a few weeks. Upon returning home, I was putting things away in our kitchen island and noticed the bottom was soggy and soft. A waffle iron almost went right through it and I knew we might have a problem. Long story short, one of our friends who happens to be a plumber was kind enough to stop by. Of course, we socially distanced ourselves while we tried to assess the problem. There is water and mold underneath the island, and it looks like it's been there a long time. We had a slab leak a couple years ago in the kitchen and aren't sure if it could be related to this or not. All we know is we need to remove it and clean it out. I've always hated how far away our island is from the oven. Our friend suggested we just extend the countertop towards the stove when we fix it. I love the idea, I just wasn't thinking when we finally start to do some upgrades in our kitchen it would be during a global pandemic!

The rest of the day passed in a blur and at some point, Hannah came downstairs after receiving a few texts, asking if school was really going to be out for the year. I could already see it in her face. Her chin was starting to quiver and I could tell that it was really hitting her. Her stage of grief was sad and it was hitting her fast and hard. She ended up in her room trying not to cry. Mr. H is home this week because we were supposed to be in Vegas today, so this was a moment that I was thankful we both had the time to be fully present in. We sat down on her bed and we talked to Hannah about the good and the bad. We talked about grief and what it is. We talked about how it looks different to all of us and it may be different every day.

Brené Brown has been releasing new podcasts this last week that have been so helpful. She has been giving me the language that I didn't realize I was lacking during this pandemic. The first episode she released she explains that we are in an FFT right now- (effing first time). I was nodding my head and shouting yes and so thrilled to have the word to apply to this scenario that is playing out that no one knows much about. How long will this last? What is going to happen? Why is there so much fear surrounding the coronavirus? Who will we know that might get sick? When is this going to end? Well, it's an FFT, and nobody really knows. Brené's most recent podcast talked about grief. I listened to it at just the right time because the very next day (today? the days are really starting to blur...) Mr. H and I had our conversation with Hannah when she was so upset.

There is a lot of unknown happening in the world right now, but we are choosing to focus on the good. Today there was a lot of good that happened in the Hass House. We got a big pack of TP- super good! After discovering the island (not so good), I emptied out every cabinet in the kitchen and wiped it down and uncluttered a bit. We got to see a friend today even though we socially distanced when he came over to see about said island. We also decided to plan a party. That's right, I said party! Hannah was so down and I wanted to cheer her up, so we invited her volleyball team over Friday afternoon for a "Drive By And Say Hi" party! We said what time we'll be out front, and we can't wait to see who drives by!

I've been taking some pics and trying to capture some scenes from quarantine. I'll be back with more next time, but for now, here are just a few, very real, raw, and unfiltered scenes from this past week.

Quarantine Day 19, peace out.

Time.

On Friday the 13th when we found out the kids would not be returning to school, I thought we were going to have a lot more time on our hands. Also ironically, was that not the worst Friday the 13th ever? The superstitions that surround that day are bad enough as it is but add to it a Friday the 13th in March when kids are home from school indefinitely... it's got to top them all, am I right?

Anyway, I thought with our schedules coming to a screaching halt, that I would have time to do all the things I always want more time for. Time to organize every nook and cranny in my house. Time to declutter and finally take those piles of things to the goodwill. Time to read and have lazy days watching movies. Time for me to revisit my blog and document this pandemic that still seems surreal.

Well, we are on day 10 (?) of shelter in place quarantine now and I've hardly done any of the things I was hoping I'd find time to do. My days seem to be flying by and all I think I've accomplished is work, plan meals, cook meals, clean up messes, plan meals, cook meals, clean up, do laundry, so much laundry because now we have no paper towels and we are using microfiber cloths for every little thing, make more meals, and also stalking Instacart to see if any stores have the items I'm running out of.

A friend sent me this meme the other day and it cracked me up because it felt 100% accurate at the time. I had a positive Mary Poppins attitude about all of this on day 1 and I was just so thankful that we all were going to be together, and that we are healthy, and I knew we could get through this. Here I am on day 10, and I feel like I am starting to unravel a little bit. I still haven't found my groove. I'm sure no one really has. I'm struggling with the whole homeschool subject. I don't want to even tackle this. I know learning at home won't look the same as it did in school. But I don't like grey areas, and I don't even know how to navigate this grey area right now. Today is Monday, and while I'm sure I should be "teaching" the girls something or forcing them to do some sort of academic something online, I just can't even today. 

This morning they played BINGO on Zoom with the principal at their elementary school and halfway through the game I heard Claire say "Uh-oh" I looked over and she had spilled the fresh-squeezed orange juice that I had just pressed and poured all. over. The girls had a puzzle spread out over the coffee table (which has been driving me absolutely crazy because 1. I dislike puzzles, and 2. I hate clutter) and the OJ went all over the puzzle and table and my rug below. 

(This was not today, but this puzzle has been overtaking my coffee table for days now. A visual for you of the orange juice spillage. Oh, and FYI, her glass was FULL when she spilled. Oh yes it was.)

I'll try to find my Mary Poppins attitude again. In the meantime, this is a little how things feel around here right now...

PS- If anyone has an essential oil blend that works well for PMS under quarantine, let me hear it. Or just buy me a wine delivery subscription. That might work just as well. 

Quarantine day 10- peace out.

Finding a New Normal

Isn't it funny how quickly life can seem to change? How we can go from seeing the world from a certain perspective to having a completely different lens overnight?

Today is Wednesday, which normally means early out for my kids at school. It means that normally I take them to school, come home, work out, shower, get ready for the day, clock in and tap into one of my creative outlets by styling a few of my Clients for Stitch Fix, clock out and pick up the girls from school, come home and prep dinner, take Claire to piano and Hannah to volleyball practice, and then home by 6:30 to have dinner with the family before it's time for showers and tv or reading before bed. Not today. Today, Wednesday, March 18, 2020, it is the first Wednesday we are home because of the new lockdown/shutdown procedures put in place due to the coronavirus.

Last Friday afternoon I knew it was coming, and by the day's end, we got word that the kids would be out of school for the next 3 weeks in an attempt to lower the curve and stop the virus from spreading. I thought that was crazy news. And then yesterday we got another update, that school will now be postponed until 4/30. Whoa. Deep breaths. Stay positive. Ok, I can do this. And then, reality starts sinking in when I realized that by that point, there really are only a few more weeks left of this school year. Are they really going to be out for 8 weeks and go back only for a few more? Or will they most likely be home until their next school year begins? Will this be the "longest summer in history" for moms/dads everywhere?

This has been so much to process. Not just from the standpoint of suddenly putting the pressure on myself to be a stay at home teacher/homeschool mom, while trying to work from home, but also trying to process everything else. What is happening to our economy, to everyone's jobs, to my family and friends? When will the fear and panic seem to subside amongst people? Don't they know that they will most likely be ok and not get sick from this virus? That the reason for this lockdown is all to protect our communities and people that we love? To keep our hospitals from becoming inundated and overflown with so many patients that they can't keep up?

I'm not sure if I'm even ready to write about the food situation right now. I know there is plenty of food supply for all. I know that later people will probably fall back into their old habits and even take for granted a fully stocked grocery store on every corner. I know that I've been telling myself that ever since I heard that toilet paper was becoming increasingly harder to find. But I know I will never forget the fear and the unsettled nervousness in the pit of my stomach when I first went into Sam's Club last Friday because I thought I better go get a few things if we are going to be home for 3 weeks with a constantly hungry teen and pre-teen. I walked in and have never seen more people or more chaos at a grocery in my life. I walked in and was so nervous by the crowd I walked right back out. I thought I'd try Albertson's because I heard that they still had TP. I walked in and the same thing. Items were flying off the shelves and into people's carts and the lines went all the way to the back of the store. And a sign that said, sorry no TP. I went home. I went home and ran into my own pantry to take stock of what exactly we did have and how long I thought it would last. I ran into each bathroom and counted how many rolls of TP we had and calculated how long I thought that might last. I went to bed with a pit in my stomach afraid that the food might run out and I don't even have extra TP or an emergency preparedness kit put in place for my family. No, those feelings are something I know I won't ever forget.

I woke up at 4am today because my brain doesn't seem to want to stop right now. I'm making mental lists of how we can fill our days with learning and school during the week. I'm also running through the foods in my fridge and freezer and trying to meal plan and create ideas that will keep the kids full and not waste any produce or meat that we have. I'm wondering if I should make the girls lunches at night so that during "lunchtime" during our school days at home we are still keeping with some sort of consistency and routine that looks somewhat like or old normal did. I went to bed with a stack of cookbooks to look through and a journal making lists of ideas for "home" school. One of them was to journal every day. Them and me. Today, I woke up and thought that instead of journaling with pen and paper, I would once again, dust off the old blog and document this "new normal". Follow along if you'd like. Share your comments so we can connect and share ideas on learning how to navigate this uncharted terrain.

I don't quite have a system or schedule in place just yet. But I am a person who thrives on schedule and routine. So hopefully we will discover a new normal soon. Today, this Wednesday, it's not early dismissal for the girls at school. Today, Mr. Hass was also up early because he couldn't sleep. Instead of worrying about the meal plan this week or the school curriculum at home, he was wondering what the ICU will look like when he gets to the hospital today. He had yesterday off and we were up and out the door early to stand in line at Sam's Club in an attempt to find TP. No luck. We bought industrial-sized paper towel rolls and a 1200 pack of napkins instead. Hoping we find TP before it comes down to that, but it's the start of my emergency preparedness kit I suppose. He may be working much longer hours than "normal" because of all the employees who now also have kids that are home from school. I've mentally added Mr. Hass to my list of people I'm worried about. He helps keep me calm and always eases my fears. Hoping I can do the same for him as he may be facing some very long days in his near future.

Today, Wednesday, 3/18/20, instead of early dismissal from a normal school day, we're trying to find new normal. We will probably swing into Miguel's Jr.'s drive-thru and support one of our favorite small businesses for lunch. For now, I am going to go work out, make smoothies for all of us from Catherine McCord's new book Smoothie Project, and then... well, stay tuned.

Xo,
Genn