Vulnerability

I started this blog 10 years ago.
Hannah was two years old and in the stage of temper tantrums and terrible two's.
I was pregnant with Claire and thought blogging might be a fun way to document life.
An outlet for me to write about motherhood and also journal the memories and moments that I didn't want to forget.
I had no idea what blogging would become for me over the next several years to follow.

Blogging reminded me how much I love to write.
Through blogging, I discovered a new love and hobby for photography. I discovered an outlet and a purpose for myself during a time when motherhood was all consuming.
I made some amazing friendships and connections with people that I had no idea would even be possible. I've made lifelong friends through this old blog and when it first began I was certain that the only person reading would be my mother.
She might be the only person reading now, but that's ok.

I stepped away from the blog for some reason.
I told myself that life was getting too busy.
The girls were getting older and there just wasn't time to blog.
I think the truth was more like this; life got messy, and busy too. But rather than continue to share, I shut down.

There wasn't one thing that happened. It was just life. As it happens to all of us. It's not always pretty and sometimes it's hard.

I just read Brené Brown's book, Daring Greatly.
My book club chose it for this month's book and I can't wait to discuss it because it is so profoundly honest and truthful with so many wonderful nuggets of wisdom that will stay with me forever.

In the beginning, Brené talks about vulnerability and shame and what defines the two. She mentions a study done in the US on conformity to feminine norms that listed the important attributes associated with "being feminine". They were listed as "being nice, pursuing a thin body ideal, showing modesty by not calling attention to one's talents or abilities, being domestic, caring for children, investing in a romantic relationship, keeping sexual intimacy contained within one committed relationship, and using our resources to invest in our appearance." 

Brené sums this up by saying this: "Basically, we have to be willing to stay as small, sweet, and quiet as possible, and use our time and our talent to look pretty. Our dreams, ambitions, and gifts are unimportant."

As I read Daring Greatly, I realized that this is exactly what I had started to do. I wasn't blogging because the girls got older and life got busy. I was staying quiet because it fits into the "box" of social norm.

I am not the same person I was when I first started to blog 10 years ago. I've glanced back through some of my old posts and they make me cringe because of what I wrote or what I said. We all grow and change and evolve as time goes on and that's just part of the journey. It is my goal to continue to grow and I am grateful for the process.

When I was hired as a Styling Lead for Stitch Fix in 2017, I was in San Francisco for one of many training sessions at HQ, and Margo Wheeler, one of the company's leaders, said that "Growth doesn't feel all nice and pretty; it's sweaty." That could not be more true. Especially for me in that moment as I sat there in a room full of leaders, wondering if I really belonged there too. I am one of those sweaty people anyways without experiencing growth. Every time I watch a suspenseful moment on tv my hands break out in a full-on sweat. Applying for this role at Stitch Fix was one of the scariest things I'd done in a long time because I knew that I was opening myself up to vulnerability. I knew that I was going to work so hard to try to get the role and spend so much time applying for the role and that by applying, I was exposing myself to the hurt and the vulnerability that I might experience if I didn't get it. And that's exactly how it works. Vulnerability is scary. It exposes us. And it makes us realize that we might be a lot safer if we just stay small and fit into that box of feminine norms.

I could write more on all of the growth and many lessons I learned while I was on the leadership team for Stitch Fix but that is for another day.

This post is more to say that one of the things I have learned, from Stitch Fix, and from Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly, and just from life, is that if we aren't willing to open ourselves up and be vulnerable from time to time, we might miss out on some of the greatest experiences of our lives because we chose to stay small and to fit inside that box.

Last month when I discovered that Claire had lice, I freaked out.
Remember how I said I get sweaty?
I'm talking sweaty hands and pits, my heart was beating a mile a minute, my hands were literally shaking, I was PANICKING, and scared to death that #1, these things were on her head, and #2, that I was going to have to take care of this, and if I'm being honest, #3, that I would catch lice from her myself.
I'm getting sweaty again just thinking about that day.
But here's the thing, once we face our fears and deal with the thing that scares us, you learn, you grow, and guess what?

It's not so scary anymore.

That is exactly what happened with the lice.
I mean, yes, lice are gross disgusting parasites and I hope I never see one again for the rest of my life!
But once I learned more about them, their life cycle, how they work, how they are spread, and how to treat them, it was no longer this big scary thing.
It was just lice.
We handled it.
And thankfully we all survived.

I knew lice is a common thing among elementary school-aged kids.
What I didn't know, was how many of my friends have experienced this same thing with their kids and even themselves.
What I didn't know was how many people would share their story with me once I shared mine with them.

Of course, I was scared to share. I was scared to admit that it happened to my daughter for fear of what others might think.

Why? Why do we do that to ourselves? 

Brené talks about how vulnerability is the first thing we look for to connect with someone else but it's the last thing we are willing to share. Here is what she said: "The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness."  Of course, it's not really a weakness, but fear makes us believe that it is.

I decided to share about Claire having lice because I knew it wasn't something to be shameful or embarrassed about. It's just a thing that happens and you take care of it. We are lucky to live in a country where we can take care of it. I am thankful that we have the resources and ability to resolve something as trivial as lice. It's been taken care of and I've spent a ridiculous amount of money on shampoos, sprays, and essential oils to now use as preventative measures to ensure we never deal with this again. I might have also made a few purchases for myself and told Mr. Hass it was my lice removal fee. Ha! A girl's got to get some sort of reward after dealing with that mess right? 

I was pretty surprised by all of the comments and messages I got from people who have experienced the same thing. So many people were willing to share their experience with me and I thank you for that. If I had not allowed myself to be vulnerable and as Brené Brown says, to dare greatly, I might never have heard from so many of you who were willing to open up to me about this too. Thank you for sharing with me and for helping me to realize that our vulnerabilities are what help us to connect.

Vulnerability is one of the many threads that connect all of us to each other. We are all human. We all experience fear and vulnerability at some point. Most of us are afraid of the same things. But we don't talk about it. We stay quiet. As women, we stay inside that box of feminine norms to not be seen or to only be seen in the way we think we are supposed to instead of showing up as ourselves. 

I've also been a little sad that because I was willing to be vulnerable about lice, Claire has had a few hurtful comments that have come her way. A few kids have told her that they are not allowed to be her friend until her lice are gone. That painful truth right there is enough to make me wish I stayed small and quiet and didn't risk my and her vulnerability to share about this experience. 

Although, now I see, that even though Claire had to hear those things at school, it's also been an opportunity of growth for her as well. We've had a lot of family talks about vulnerability, and fear, and kindness. 

People will always be afraid of what they don't know. I was so afraid of lice. I was scared to death of lice. But now? Well, I've learned that while disgusting, they can't jump, they can't fly, they're common, yes, but you can't catch them by looking at someone who has them, or by touching their pencil at school, or by being their friend. 

Sometimes we have to face our fears, be vulnerable, get sweaty, and grow. 

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable? Maybe today is your day. 

This Might Make You Itchy

Hi friends! Happy Thursday! 

The weekend is around the corner now. 

Can I get an amen?

So I'm back with a story that I wanted to document but I do have some hesitation sharing. 

I hesitate because it's one of those things that people don't talk about.

You know, those things that seem to happen, and are totally normal, but for some reason, people associate them with shame or embarrassment, or they just don't want anyone to know that it happened to them?

Well, this is one of those things. 

And I hate those things.

I wish everyone shared those type of things so that #1, people would feel more comfortable sharing their experiences, and #2 so that we can arm each other with the knowledge of how to handle these things when they happen to you. 

So that you know you are normal, and not gross, or weird, and it is just one of those things. 

So anyway, here we go. 

Recently this last month, someone in the Hass House contracted a case of head lice.

Any guesses who it was? 

I'll give you a hint.

It wasn't the bald one. Ha!

It was this one.

(And yes her hat says Vicious Dolls. It is her softball team name and I dislike it very much, but let's move on.)

One night when I was tucking Claire into bed, she said: "My head is itchy."

{{{Insert all the bug eye emoji faces right here. }}}

Claire is not one to complain.

 Ever. 

So when she says something hurts, or itches, you better believe I take her seriously.

 I grabbed her head and immediately started looking through her hair and scalp for lice. 

I didn't see anything. 

 I got a rat tail comb from the girls' bathroom so I could really get in there, and still, I didn't see anything.

I told Mr. H and he said that she had told him the same thing and he didn't see anything either. He said it's dry out and her scalp is probably just dry. 

Nope. 

I wasn't buying it.

 I knew. 

I knew that it just wasn't like Claire to say something like that.

But I didn't see anything, so I let it go. 

The thing is, the day before at softball practice she couldn't get her helmet on correctly. The coach told her to borrow someone else's. I wasn't there to see this or I would have never let her put someone else's helmet on but she did. 

She didn't even end up using this girl's helmet either so she only had it on her head long enough to put it on and take it off.

A couple of days later, Monday morning rolls around and I had Claire sit down so I could braid her hair for school. 

That's when I saw them.

Those creepy little crawly lice on my baby girl's head! 

I know, you're already getting itchy ------- I'm sorry about that!

I hadn't ever seen lice before, and I did hair for 17 years.  A quick google search confirmed it. She had lice.

This is not a picture of Claire, of course, I had no time for that, but to give you an idea, this is what it looks like on blonde hair.

And now I'm getting itchy again.

My heart sank for her. 

Of all days for this to happen, Claire had a 4th-grade field trip planned that she had been looking forward to forever. I felt awful that I was going to have to tell her she couldn't go.

I went into my bathroom and called Mr. Hass to tell him Claire had lice. 

I was whispering because I didn't want the girls to hear me and I was afraid she was going to freak out when I told her. I mean, I was freaking out! 

My hands were shaking, my heart was thumping, and I had no idea what to do first.

After some deep breaths and a whole lot of "You can do this!" pep talks to myself, I ended up buying a lice removal kit at Wal-greens right after taking Hannah to school. I read through the steps to complete and then I saw this:

I was going to have to pick them out one by one??????????

WHAT???!!!!!

I thought there was just some special solution that you put on the hair while wearing your safety gloves and then they all die and fall out with a good shampoo and we can live happily ever after! 

Nope.

No that is not how it works. 

I honestly didn't think I had the stomach for this. I was itching all over and panicked that these were on her HEAD! 

I was also fearful that they were going to start jumping onto my head! Do they jump? Can lice jump?!!

Another quick google search told me that no, head lice do not jump or fly. So there's that. 

I was super thankful for all of the years I had sectioned people's hair off into four quadrants to apply their root color. The application process for the lice killing solution started out just like a root touch up and I started to feel like maybe I could do this.

I sat Claire down in the kitchen where I had good lighting to see all of these horrible awful things and I got to work. 

There were actually not that many lice that I pulled from her hair that looked like the first picture above. Most of what I had to remove was the nits or eggs and they are so small it is really hard to even see them if you don't know what to look for. They are about the size of a poppy seed or even smaller and a white'ish color. Some were darker and I think those were closer to being full hatched lice.

Two and a half hours later, we were done. 

And I'll tell you, it wasn't as horrible as I was anticipating.

I mean, it wasn't fun by any means, and my back was killing me from hunching over her head for that long.

I think once the solution went on her hair for 10 minutes and all of the lice were dead, I started to feel like I could breathe again and that they were no longer going to jump onto my head even though Google told me they wouldn't. 

I disinfected every brush, comb, hair clip and tool in this house. I stripped Claire's sheets, bedding, mattress pad and more. I vacuumed every surface of this house and made Mr. H thoroughly clean and vacuum the couch cushions and anywhere else her head might have touched. 

I took her softball helmet out into the backyard and doused that thing with lice-killing spray like it was on fire. 

And then I did it again just to be safe.

Claire ended up making it to her field trip for about 2 hours once her hair was back to it's normal and healthy state. She missed the bus ride so I had to bring her and pick her up. Luckily it was just down the street from home.

Fighting lice on a Monday absolutely wore me out. 

I was barely recovering by Friday that week when Claire came home from school and said her tummy felt like it did on the cruise. (She threw up on the cruise due to seasickness.) Once again, this kid doesn't usually complain and I knew what was coming.

 She went to bed and I started disinfecting the house, spraying Lysol on everything, feeding everyone else elderberry syrup, probiotics, and vitamin C, and diffusing all the essential oils in preparation to battle the stomach flu. She woke up a few hours later and got sick. 

All. Over. The. Place. 

Thank goodness Mr. H was home to help me tackle it all. 

Nobody else got sick and I am so thankful. She felt better the next day but the poor girl was 0 for 2 that week. She was a trooper though and didn't complain once. 

I hope you aren't itchy all day now. 

Just wanted to share that it happens. 

Lice is highly contagious and so common among kids. 

I am so thankful that it is also very treatable. 

Don't share helmets, my friends.

The End.

Back In The Saddle

Hello! 

It's been almost 3 years since I've blogged.

I've missed it. 

I am learning that life is flying by me at a rapid pace.

The older the girls get, the faster it goes.

So here I am. 

I am jumping back in the saddle.

Or, sitting back down at the keyboard, or whatever,  but you get my drift. So yes, back in the saddle! 

I've been waking up in the night writing full blog posts in my head. 

I got a massage a couple of weeks ago, and do you know what I did the whole time? 

Relaxed and fell asleep?

Nope. No, I wrote 4 blog posts in my head so I wouldn't forget some of the stories I want to remember. 

If that's not a sign telling me to blog again I don't know what is. 

I am jumping in today with just a quick hello and I will be back to sharing Hass House happenings and other news on the regular so get excited! 

This last summer was fun and the older I get, the more I understand that the days are long but the years are short. Summer days felt longer than they do now during the school year, but either way, the years feel way too short. 

Mr. Hass turned 40 this summer and we celebrated in Big Bear with family and friends. We also celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary in July. We went to Temecula for some wine tasting and ate dinner at Ponte. 

These two seem to have grown and changed just since the start of the school year already. Hannah will be 12 in two weeks and Claire turns 10 a week after. They used to play with legos and spend hours playing outside. Now their days are filled with school, homework, and softball practice and games. The little one wants to make slime, watch YouTube videos and spend her chore money on anything with a unicorn/glitter on it while the older one wants to play Minecraft, redecorate her room and learn how to apply makeup. 

Each week it seems like we are stepping into new and uncharted territory as parents that we aren't completely sure how to navigate. It makes me want to write. It makes me want to share my experiences and hopefully be able to connect with others through them. So that's what I plan to do. Stick around, I hope you'll join me on the journey!

And before I go today, a few pics and random things from last weekend. You know I love to write about the randoms. 

Last weekend we packed up the Prius and drove to Mesa, Arizona to visit with Diane, my mother in law. She recently moved into a new place and we went to visit and help her hang some pictures on the walls and get settled in. 

On the way there and back we listened to multiple episodes of a new to me podcast by Lewis Howes. 

He interviews some of the world's most brilliant business minds, athletes and influential people to find out what makes them great and how you can apply their lessons to your life. We just bought his book and I can't wait to read it. If you are interested, check out his 5-minute Friday podcasts, they're short sweet and to the point. After a couple of those, I was hooked! Hannah really liked this one too. 

One of the episodes we listened to was an interview with Kobe Bryant. It was super inspiring and I had no idea about his passion for storytelling. I love to read and write and I love how powerful and inspiring stories can be. He wanted to tell stories that relay important messages that he wanted to teach his kids without sounding redundant and he was inspired to come up with the podcast called The Punies with a cast of unique characters to share his stories. Each short story teaches an important lesson in a fun and entertaining way.

So, of course, I immediately subscribed to the podcast and we listened to several during our road trip. They range from about 14 - 17 minutes and they're perfect for kids! 

After discovering how much we all liked The Punies, I googled the top 10 podcasts for kids and found the Dream Big podcast by Eva Karpman. This 9-year-old little girl is so well spoken and wise for her age. She has several episodes and they are all such great life lessons that inspired all of us. We listened to lessons on learning how to go with the flow, how to deal with haters, what to do when a friend lies to you, what to do when you get angry, and a good one about the famous Zig Ziglar quote: "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." One of my favorites was the interview she does with Simon Sinek. Let me know if you check them out! 

This last weekend, I also learned something else that I am still in disbelief over. 

Are you ready to hear what it is?

Hannah's legs are longer than mine!

Yup.

You heard me.

My soon to be 12-year-old daughter's legs are longer than mine. 

I am 5'9 and Mr. H is 6'4, so it's no surprise that she is tall. 

I guess I just wasn't prepared for her to pass me up just yet. 

I've still got a couple inches on her, but not for long.

I just don't even know how to wrap my head around it. 

I guess I can always buy some new wedges. Haha. 

That's all I got!
Be back soon.
Xo,
Genn