Frozen In Place

I had a pretty good week last week and I think my attitude was almost back to Mary Poppin's status. I am not sure if it has had to do with the fact that Mr. H has been around all week and I haven't been worrying about him being at the hospital, or if it's been the fact that the sun has been out, or that we've been really productive (and as an Enneagram Type 1 I looooove crossing things off my to-do lists). Whatever it's been, I've been grateful.

Today I woke up to rain and I feel like there is a dark cloud over my head as well. Yesterday I was bouncing around in my kitchen, thrilled with the fact that my first sourdough bread loaf from the starter we made turned out and today, I've wasted the day away frozen in place trying to just numb out by scrolling and internet surfing. I normally like to wake up early and get a head start on my day's worth of work for Stitch Fix. Today, I didn't want to so it feels like it's taking me all day. Normally I like to hop on the computer for an hour to work and then get my worked out knocked out and done for the day. Today, I'm still wearing work out clothes, currently sitting on the floor in our workout room, still trying to talk myself into it at 4pm. Where has the day gone? We are supposed to have rain all week and I feel like I could really use some sunshine instead. Mr. H has always said that the song "She's Only Happy In The Sun" by Ben Harper reminds him of me. I know most people are probably the same and especially during this pandemic. The rain just feels extra oppressive and suffocating right now.

I'm gonna try really hard to find some sunshiney happy things this week because if I let the rain dictate my mood the Hass House is not going to be a happy place. Here are some happy things on my list right now:

• clean bathrooms (I've been following Clean Mama's cleaning schedule and today is bathroom day- this schedule has been amazing and I'd say has maybe even changed my life!)
• potato soup in the crockpot for dinner
• date night tomorrow- not the "usual" kind we are used to but Dr. Les Parrot and his wife Leslie are hosting a live stream called Couples Huddle for Hope. Dr. Les is one of Dave Ramsey's personalities and we've heard him speak multiple times at conferences. He's funny and wise and full of great advice. I can't wait to hear he and his wife talk about surviving as a couple in the midst of this uncertain time. Check it out on LesandLeslie.com tomorrow 4/7 @ 4pm Pacific time. 
• The Magnolia candles I just ordered from Target. Shhhh, don't tell Mr. H, I told him I'd wait on placing that order, but then the rain came and took my happy so I bought some candles. 
• I also have an order from Nordstrom coming soon- I hope. It's been delayed due to shipping right now of course, but I had a gc from Christmas and with all the cooking going on in the Hass House we really needed a new cast iron skillet. So instead of saving my gc for a little mad money when I really want new shoes or a cute new outfit for myself, I used it on a Le Creuset cast iron skillet that will match one of my dutch ovens. Practical, but also exciting. 

And I'll leave you with a few pictures from the last week or so, just moments that I'd like to document so that we don't forget any of this crazy stuff.

I took this from my car, driving away from TJ's after I shopped there last week. It was very surreal to have stood in line and be let in once there were enough customers who had left. It was an odd experience.

This was the backdoor at Costco where we got in line before they opened one morning for healthcare employees. I wasn't allowed to go in, so I took this while I walked back to the car and Mr. H waited to be let in. Another very surreal experience that I won't soon forget. 

This was right after returning from Costco and we discovered the bottom shelf of our island was wet and soggy. 

Mr. H cleaning out the wet pieces and killing all the mold. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought. We learned today after a plumber came over that we do not have a new leak. This was damage from an old slab leak 2 years ago. Home owner's insurance will not help cover the cost to repair any damages because it was an old leak that we didn't contact them about last time. Sooo stay tuned with what's next. 

Hannah getting some face time in on a zoom call with her volleyball team. 

This was Saturday when I started the dough for my first sourdough loaf. I was so nervous having never done this before and was so afraid I might waste all that flour (a hard pantry item to find currently- almost up there with TP and hand sanitizer now). I let it rise overnight and baked it yesterday afternoon and was dancing around the kitchen clapping when I pulled it out of the oven and it looked so beautiful! I made bread! 

Now my starter, Jane Dough, will live in the fridge and I'll feed her once a week. I think I might try to make some sourdough dinner rolls next. Or maybe just more bread, because we've eaten it all. 

It is now mandatory to wear a mask when you are out so yesterday morning this was us getting ready to shop for some fresh produce at the farmer's market. This week was different than last week. It wasn't too crowded, but everyone had masks today and the booths were all roped off by each vendor and you had to stand 6' away and let them know what items you wanted. They bagged it up for you and you paid and went. It was all very clean, but again, another very surreal food shopping experience. 

Flowers for a friend. 

This was at Albertson's a couple weeks ago, when we thought we'd check the tp aisle just to see and found 4 packs of these teeny-tiny rolls left. So this is 2020 right now...

Yesterday we got several things planted in pots and containers. Can't wait to see how they do. I miss having garden boxes like we did in our old house. We don't have a great yard space for boxes in our current yard so we are going to try pots. Today they're all under the patio protected from the rain. Hoping we find good homes for them all to thrive. We started composting this month and I can't wait until it all starts to break down into soil that we can add to the garden. We've been producing noticeably less trash since we began composting. It's so easy and makes me so happy to know how good it is for the earth, I can't believe we haven't started this sooner! 

I saw this toy on someone's IG account and we ordered it for the kids. Claire has been creating with it non-stop since it arrived this week. 

That's all for now. 

I'm off to finally get that workout I've put off all day done.

See ya next time. 

Quarantine day 24- peace out. 

Emotions, Roller Coasters, & Spring Break

I keep writing out my thoughts in blog posts in my head. I keep thinking I'll have time to sit down and process everything that has been going on and write. And then another day has gone by and the next day is completely different and my emotions are completely new and I'm on a different roller coaster than I was the day before. I can't even process one thing before a new thing has happened so I guess I better just start writing.

This week is "spring break" for the girls and us, but it's a different looking spring break than we imagined. Today we were supposed to be driving to Las Vegas for Hannah's first away tournament for her volleyball club this season. We have all been really looking forward to it. She's mentioned several times this week how she should have been in Vegas this week.

Last night we sat down to watch a movie. Aeronauts. We've been wanting to see it for a while. We've been talking about watching a movie ever since this pandemic began, but it just hadn't happened yet. We were all looking forward to sitting down together to watch our first movie since this whole thing began on Friday the 13th. Right before we were ready to start the movie, Mr. Hass and I both got the text, followed by an email, from the school district announcing that the governor has stated that he is recommending the kids do not go back to school for the remainder of this year. I knew this was coming, but I have to admit, my heart sank, and my stomach dropped, and I was on that roller coaster once more.

Only this time it's probably not what you think. I've already had my moments of panic and fear over having an unexpected extended break in school, realizing it would be up to me to oversee the girls' homeschool work for the next several weeks. I've already had to try and figure out what our schedules are all going to look like with me working from home and them trying to navigate learning from home. That part is working itself out I guess. Now, I'm starting to realize that I am grieving. That we are all grieving for the world that once was and for all of our lives that used to be a certain way and now look different. Mr. Hass came home one day last week and said he'd read an article that explained that to him. That the world was all working it's way through different stages of grief right now. It was like a light bulb went off. Of course, we are. And with grief, comes so many different stages of emotions and feelings. The roller coaster just continues.

So last night, right before our movie, when we got the news that school will most likely not be starting back up this season and that our 7th and 5th graders years would be most likely finished, I was so very sad. I've been sad for them knowing this might be a possibility. I've been sad for all of the high school seniors whose years have been cut short. So sad for all of the 8th graders who might feel rushed or pushed into high school without feeling ready or prepared.

This year junior high has been so wonderful for Hannah. Mr. Hass and I have enjoyed watching her grow and blossom into her own self more so than ever this year. She has discovered a new love for a sport that I happen to also share a love for. She's made some wonderful new friends in volleyball on her team, and in the club. She's had some amazing experiences in ASB and met new friends in school as well. I can't help but feel so sad that all of the amazing experiences she has yet to have this year have been ripped away from her.

And Claire too. Claire is finally getting to be her own person at her elementary school. She's growing into herself and instead of being known as "Hannahs' sister", she's getting to be just Claire. She's made new friends this year too and has a teacher that she loves. She was also continuing her love of music with her weekly piano lessons and sports, which have also stopped for her. She was about to start a girls league weekly skills camp for basketball, and she had also just started to attend the last few weeks of a volleyball instructional league at Hannah's club and was loving it. But like everything else, that has all come to a screeching halt.

So last night as the girls watched Aeronauts for family movie night, my mind was elsewhere wondering how we were going to break this new news to the girls. They've handled things well so far, but I knew it might be hardest on Hannah.

Today so much has happened that yesterday seems like a world away. Mr. H and I were up at 5am and ready to head out by 6:30 to stand in line at Costco. Another new thing that we are starting to come to terms with; standing in line to get into the stores we used to frequent weekly or monthly. We've still been in search of the illusive TP.  I was so touched by a friend that dropped off two giant-sized rolls for us last week. It was such a sweet gift that they blessed us with. I can't wait until I can give her a real-life hug and thank her for being so generous. Even with her kind gift, I was still afraid that we might need to find more TP if this famine continues for a while longer. Mr. H works in the ICU at a hospital here and healthcare employees he just found out are able to shop the early hour before they opened at 4 Costcos in our area. So we went to the one closest to us and got in line. We found out that I couldn't go in with him. Healthcare employees only. So I ripped my list out of my notebook, handed it to Mr. H and told him to be careful.

He got some TP! And a few other essentials so that we wouldn't have to leave the house for a few weeks. Upon returning home, I was putting things away in our kitchen island and noticed the bottom was soggy and soft. A waffle iron almost went right through it and I knew we might have a problem. Long story short, one of our friends who happens to be a plumber was kind enough to stop by. Of course, we socially distanced ourselves while we tried to assess the problem. There is water and mold underneath the island, and it looks like it's been there a long time. We had a slab leak a couple years ago in the kitchen and aren't sure if it could be related to this or not. All we know is we need to remove it and clean it out. I've always hated how far away our island is from the oven. Our friend suggested we just extend the countertop towards the stove when we fix it. I love the idea, I just wasn't thinking when we finally start to do some upgrades in our kitchen it would be during a global pandemic!

The rest of the day passed in a blur and at some point, Hannah came downstairs after receiving a few texts, asking if school was really going to be out for the year. I could already see it in her face. Her chin was starting to quiver and I could tell that it was really hitting her. Her stage of grief was sad and it was hitting her fast and hard. She ended up in her room trying not to cry. Mr. H is home this week because we were supposed to be in Vegas today, so this was a moment that I was thankful we both had the time to be fully present in. We sat down on her bed and we talked to Hannah about the good and the bad. We talked about grief and what it is. We talked about how it looks different to all of us and it may be different every day.

Brené Brown has been releasing new podcasts this last week that have been so helpful. She has been giving me the language that I didn't realize I was lacking during this pandemic. The first episode she released she explains that we are in an FFT right now- (effing first time). I was nodding my head and shouting yes and so thrilled to have the word to apply to this scenario that is playing out that no one knows much about. How long will this last? What is going to happen? Why is there so much fear surrounding the coronavirus? Who will we know that might get sick? When is this going to end? Well, it's an FFT, and nobody really knows. Brené's most recent podcast talked about grief. I listened to it at just the right time because the very next day (today? the days are really starting to blur...) Mr. H and I had our conversation with Hannah when she was so upset.

There is a lot of unknown happening in the world right now, but we are choosing to focus on the good. Today there was a lot of good that happened in the Hass House. We got a big pack of TP- super good! After discovering the island (not so good), I emptied out every cabinet in the kitchen and wiped it down and uncluttered a bit. We got to see a friend today even though we socially distanced when he came over to see about said island. We also decided to plan a party. That's right, I said party! Hannah was so down and I wanted to cheer her up, so we invited her volleyball team over Friday afternoon for a "Drive By And Say Hi" party! We said what time we'll be out front, and we can't wait to see who drives by!

I've been taking some pics and trying to capture some scenes from quarantine. I'll be back with more next time, but for now, here are just a few, very real, raw, and unfiltered scenes from this past week.

Quarantine Day 19, peace out.